Divorce and Separation: Stopping the Negative Mental Loops

Question:

How can you stop the negative loops recalling what went wrong (and what was so right)? How do you stop trying to ‘fix’ it in your own mind?”

Answer:

Divorce, heartache, grief and rebuilding your life – it’s all part of the healing journey everyone must travel when your relationship ends. The mind is a beautiful problem-solving tool. But when it comes to matters of the heart and relationship, our brain is often not well-equipped to help us heal.

Having those cyclical thoughts and questions of “What if….?” or questioning what might have turned out differently if you’d made different choices in the past is quite natural. It is simply the brain sifting, sorting and trying to find patterns and solutions from past experiences it has stored to find a way out of the situation you find yourself in. Sometimes you know your relationship is on the rocks, and sometimes you don’t. So our powerful brain is literally scanning its memory banks to find pieces of data that might help you to create a solution and get to the other side of your heartache.

But your power and choices lie in each present moment. The problem with unchecked cyclical thoughts is that they keep you replaying the past or projecting yourself into a fantasy future that is sheer speculation. The key to making empowering choices for yourself and navigating through your divorce is when you stay present, moment-to-moment.

If you find yourself caught in a mental spin cycle, a great way to break out of it is to write it all down. Use a journal to capture your thoughts and questions. This will assure your brain you’re doing something productive with all of its gyrations and help loosen the grip of these negative loops on your mind.

You can also set some boundaries around this kind of thinking. Give yourself a time limit of some kind to fully review the good, bad and ugly about your situation and how you got there and then once your timer goes off, stop. Break your physical and mental state by putting on some great tunes and dancing, or do some jumping jacks, and then undertake another kind of activity.

It’s also important to ask great questions. Setting your brain to the task of “How could I “fix” things?” assumes that something is broken that you are responsible for fixing. Redirect your powerful mind to answering the question “If this experience is part of my soul curriculum, what are the gifts in it for me and my personal evolution?” or “What can I learn from this that will serve me in all future relationships?”

Have a question about divorce you’d like to see answered? Submit yours to Thrive after Divorce by sending an email to askthrive@ThriveAfterDivorce.com.

 

Divorce: Communicating with the Ex

Q. “I need help being able to communicate with my ex-spouse. Everything seems to get bogged down into arguments these days.”

A. Learning how to communicate effectively with an ex-spouse is one of the biggest hurdles there is out there. Clearly if you’re co-parenting your children, your ability to be able to work through the day-to-day decisions that come up affecting them is critical to your children having the ability to thrive after divorce. Learning how to establish a new kind of relationship with your ex is one of the divorce puzzle pieces I teach about in my award-winning product, The Divorce Resource Kit. From soup to nuts, with checklists and even a template for how to have an effective discussion with your ex, I highly recommend you check that resource out and save yourself heartache and time.

Allow me to share a few tips here. First, if you’re co-parenting you’ll need to set healthy boundaries. If you’re co-parenting with your ex, try to develop more of a business partner relationship with each other. Be willing to set healthy boundaries so you… Continue reading

Divorce Resource Kit — Promotion ends Tonight

I hope you had a great long weekend! No matter how old my children get, they still love a good Easter egg hunt. (And I enjoy it too!)

Learning how to thrive after divorce is a different kind of Easter egg hunt. But the stakes are far higher than chocolate eggs. You’re hunting for solutions to your finances, how to parent your children after divorce, creating new relationships, finding your emotional balance again and dealing with your ex instead.

With the Divorce Resource Kit, you will literally shave years off your learning curve and thousands of dollars by starting off your “hunt” with a road map that shows you how to thrive after divorce.

Check out the short video I created to learn more here:

===> http://tinyurl.com/d4q3y2

But your chance to invest in this life-changing Divorce Resource Kit for a savings of $200 as part of my birthday celebration ends at midnight, TONIGHT — Monday, April 13. After that time, it will go back to its regular price.

I’m making it easy for you too! There’s an easy 3-pay installment option so your cash flow doesn’t take a big hit. Plus, I’m taking all the risk because I offer a 60-day, no questions asked guarantee.

There’s only a handful of Kits available at this special promotional price, so you need to act quickly!

Remember, the sale ends at midnight tonight!

Today’s My Birthday – and I have a Gift for You!

When you think of birthdays, what do you think about?

Cake and candles…

People singing happy birthday…

Getting older…

Well, how about a fresh start?

That’s exactly what The Divorce Resource Kit gives you — a fresh start after your divorce so you can not just survive it, but thrive after it. And that’s what I’d like to offer you for MY birthday.

You see, today I turn 47. And I wanted to do something really special for myself and for YOU.

So for the week of my birthday, I decided to give the first 47 of you who purchase the Divorce Resource Kit for a whopping $200 off.

Here’s the link to read more about it and get your copy:

http://tinyurl.com/cdom5t

The Divorce Resource Kit lets you put the pieces of your divorce puzzle back together again the way YOU want them to fit. You get specific tools so in 15 minutes, you’ll have a plan of action that will save you time, money and heartache.

In a nutshell, it’s a way to get a fresh start. And that’s what birthdays are all about!

Remember, only the first 47 of you will get $200 off my Divorce Resource Kit, but only for 1 week.

If you are separated or divorced, or know someone who is, you definitely will want to take advantage of this special opportunity.

My birthday special ends either when the 47 Kits I set aside have been snapped up or on Monday, April 13, whichever comes first.

Here’s that link again:

http://tinyurl.com/cdom5t

Thanks and make it a great day! I’m off now for a special birthday lunch with my sister! 🙂

Holiday Survival Strategies Contest – Dec. 19 Deadline

Are you secretly dreading the holidays?

Maybe you know what I’m talking about. The rounds of holiday parties without a partner. Scheduling who gets the kids when (and struggling to keep everything as normal as possible for their sake). Trying to get everything done without any help.

I know what you’re feeling. I’ve been there. And that’s why this year, I wanted to do something to make life easier for you.

I’m holding a contest where you can share your best tips and stories for navigating through the holiday season. The winner gets a copy of my brand new program, The Divorce Resource Kit.

Not only will this be a way for you to share your best tips (and maybe win a prize) but you also might find an answer to a problem you’ve been struggling with.

You can post your contest entry right here on the blog or email it to my assistant Lisa at Lisa@ThriveAfterDivorce.com.

The contest ends Friday, December 19. I’ll be announcing the winner on Monday, December 22.

I hope you’ll join in for this fun contest and share your ideas and tips with us! That way, we’ll all be winners!