Thrive After Divorce
Thrive News February 15, 2007
In This Issue

Dear Friend,

I’m just back from an incredible road trip to California, where I participated in two life-changing workshops.  I was privileged to spend some time with motivational speaker and author, Les Brown. What an incredible man!  From the instant he took the stage, he captivated the audience with his heart-felt connection and authenticity. My experience of him is the inspiration for my feature article this week, “Speaking from the Heart.” Visit my blog for a personal update and a photo of Les and me together!

I hope you’ll join us Tuesday, March 13 at 9 pm eastern (6 pm pacific) for our next THRIVE teleclass. The response has been tremendous so far and I’d love to have you learn the fundamental principles that will help you through any challenge. Here's what one participant had to say:

"Your class left me feeling reinvigorated and inspired to tackle the challenges lying ahead of me. The acronym, THRIVE, is fantastic; in the first place, it is such a positive word but it also helps you to recall instantly the six principles that will help guide you throughout your day and throughout your life." (RF, Beijing, China)

One thing Les shared with us is that each of us is here on this planet to touch other people in some way. I thought that was a beautiful expression and I invite you to ask yourself this week, how will I touch others today?

I see you Thriving!

Carolyn
Carolyn, Founder
Thrive After Divorce

 

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Speak From The Heart

I had the pleasure of participating in a workshop in Los Angeles this past week with 150 others who, like myself, want to hone their skills as a trainer. One of our instructors was Les Brown (visit www.lesbrown.com to learn more about him). I had heard this inspirational man speak before, but never had the opportunity to meet him in person.

His love, passion and energy filled each of us with possibility. He taught us about the power of speaking from the heart.

Communication in divorce is so important. Mr. Brown’s invited us “speak from the heart.” I realized how often, particularly in face of potential conflict, I want to speak from my head instead. Speaking from my head makes me feel safer. It makes me feel clever at times. Have you ever had to make a request and felt you had to give reasons for what you want and why? That would be your head talking there. But in the emotionally charged arena of divorce, intellectual arguments often do not win the day or get you what you want.

We are always communicating with someone, whether it’s our children, our ex-partners, our friends, our lawyers, ourselves. Many people are skilled at speaking “from their heads.” What would our relationships be like if we were willing to speak from the heart? Yes, it would require a willingness to be vulnerable to another. Yes, you may find some raw emotions coming up when you speak openly and honestly from your heart. I suspect this is why so many people aren’t comfortable with it.  It feels safer and more in control to speak from your head, instead of your heart.

But think of a time someone spoke to you from their heart. Perhaps it was a child speaking to you of their fears. Maybe a friend shared about their sense of powerlessness with a problem they were having. That authentic vulnerability likely opened your heart up to a deeper listening to them. Sharing from your heart creates a strong sense of connection between the speaker and the listener. 

My invitation to you is to simply notice where you tend to speak from. Are you speaking from your head or your heart?  Identify one relationship that you might be struggling with right now and where you’d be willing to speak from your heart. Use the phrase, “What I’m really feeling is…” to get you started. February is Heart Health Awareness month, after all. Try it on as a new behavior. The worst thing that could happen is that your relationships don’t improve.  The alternative is that you’d create a whole new way of relating to another, and allow your authentic self to be heard.

As Les Brown said, “Who you are behind the words is more important than the words you speak.”

©2007 Carolyn B. Ellis

 

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete statement with it: Author and coach, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the founder of Thrive After Divorce Inc. Through educational products, coaching and trainings, the company helps separated and divorced individuals improve relationships, increase self-confidence and save time and heartache.  She is the author of the forthcoming, “The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid So Your Children Thrive After Divorce.”  If you want simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit www.thriveafterdivorce.com to receive a FREE report now.

Next Steps

March 13, 2007 Teleseminar
Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Does that sound familiar? Would you like to learn how to adopt a new mindset so you thrive in 2007? Join me for a FREE 60 minute teleseminar to learn the THRIVE Principles™. Once you learn them, you’ll become unstoppable! 

     When: Tuesday, March 13, 2007 6 pm pacific; 9 pm eastern
     To Register: Click here

Pre-Publication Special Offer
Want to know the most common mistakes single parents make after divorce and how to avoid them? Want to learn about the THRIVE Principles™ and how to use them to overcome any challenge successfully, every time? You'll find the answers in my new book, The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What To Avoid So Your Children Thrive After Divorce is due to be published by this spring. If you'd like to receive the ebook version of the book for 25% off the cover price, please click here to join our pre-publication list. We'll send you the details about the ebook as soon as it's finalized (likely within 6 weeks).

Ask Thrive

Q. My wife and I are in the process of getting a divorce. We have two children. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now. This is all so overwhelming to me. One minute I'm miserably sad, the next I'm fine and then I'll get angry over the smallest thing. Am I losing my mind?

A. Divorce is a life challenge that impacts many significant areas of one’s ilife: financial, social, emotional, economical, occupational, geographical and spiritual. It’s not unusual for your emotional state to be up one minute and down the next. Remember, recovering from divorce is very similar to the grieving process we experience when a loved one dies. We lose an important part of our life. We’ve lost our dreams of living happily ever after. Even if you’re the one who decided to end the marriage, divorce is an adjustment that takes time. You may want to find someone like a therapist, a coach or counselor, who can support you. It’s been said that emotion is simply energy in motion, so find some healthy ways for you to let those emotions roll through you. Trying to resist them may instead prolong your healing process. Activities such as journaling, exercise and yoga are great.

WANT TO ASK A QUESTION?
Ask your question, in confidence, by clicking here or you may email us at askthrive@thriveafterdivorce.com. We’ll answer your question in upcoming issues!

Thrive Recommends

Putting Children FirstOne of the most helpful books I found when I was in the early stages of my divorce was “Putting Children First: A Guide for Parents Breaking Up” by Hanna McDonough and Christina Bartha. Written by two expert social workers with years of experience counseling divorcing families, they argue compellingly for keeping the children’s best interests as the top priority. The book has great information on how to handle children at different ages, how to create a great parenting plan and how to manage conflict. This book was a constant reference source for me!

About Carolyn

Carolyn B. Ellis is the Founder of Thrive After Divorce, Inc.  A Harvard University graduate, Carolyn is also a Certified Master Integrative Coach™, Teleclass Leader and the first Canadian to be certified as a Spiritual Divorce Coach. She is also a part-time staff member of the Institute for Integrative Coaching at John F. Kennedy University in San Francisco, CA, and has been trained personally by its founder, NY Times best-selling author Debbie Ford. Her book, "The 7 Pitfalls of Single Parenting: What to Avoid so Your Children Thrive After Divorce" will be published in early 2007. Her three amazing school age children and bouncy labradoodle dog are her daily sources of inspiration and joy.

 

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