Divorce and Separation: Crying in Front of the Children

Q. “How can I stop crying so that I can function in my life and my job, and is it ok for my kids to see me crying?”

A. Crying, grieving and feeling the loss of your relationship and the loss of your dreams of “living happily ever after” with one person is normal. It’s important to feel all of your emotions fully instead of trying to stuff them down or ignore them. Tears are not a sign of weakness. It’s been said that tears are simply the ice around our hearts melting.

We are important role models for our children about how to be responsible for our own emotional well-being. If you find yourself in tears in front of the children, let them know you’re feeling sad and that it’s normal to cry if you’re feeling sad. This normalizes their experience and gives them permission to fully feel and express their emotions as well.

Explain to your children that feelings simply move through us. It is healthy for us to give them an outlet so we don’t get… stuck or caught up in them. Just like the sun is always there, sometimes our weather is stormy or clouds block the sun. That doesn’t mean that the sun has disappeared. It just means that something has come up to block that natural radiance we were all born with. Winds eventually blow those clouds away and the sun reappears. For people, we need to bring awareness to our choices, choose self-care and find support as a way to keep our emotional storm clouds from permanently blocking our ability to give and receive love and joy.

Getting your emotional balance back is a big part of the game plan in divorce. A great resource for you would be the award-winning Divorce Resource Kit. There’s a 15 minute guided meditation included in it that can help you move through and find more emotional balance.

If you find yourself persistently crying, depressed and feel unable to function, you may want to find some professional support. Talk to a divorce coach or therapist who can help you accelerate your healing in your divorce journey.

© 2010 Carolyn B. Ellis

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3 thoughts on “Divorce and Separation: Crying in Front of the Children

  1. Allowing your tears to flow is another way of cleansing your soul. I’ve had some tough nights with my children as we all hugged together and let it all out. I have found that it usually hits around night time when they are missing their mom from what used to be a dual good-night routine. Now that I’m aware of this, I am more prepared to council them and work through their emotions (and mine). Often we fall asleep together with soft music going.

  2. My soon-to-be-ex has tried to tell me that his so-called ‘therapist’ says I shouldn’t let my ADULT children see me cry. Nice to see there’s another more realistic and rational point of view that addresses that we are human and going through an incredibly painful experience, and NORMAL people cry when they are hurting.