Divorce: Tips for Dating Again

Q. “It’s been years since I’ve been out on the dating scene and even though I think I’m ready to love again, I’m scared. I feel like a nervous kid again. Is this normal?”

A. The decision to get back out in the dating world after divorce definitely can feel scary and intimidating, so you are certainly not alone with that. Relationships can be wonderful teachers, and a great source of joy and intimacy, so it’s great that you’re ready to head out into what feels like new territory. There’s so much to say about this very important topic, so I will give you a few key tips now. Learning how to create successful and loving relationships is one of the divorce puzzle pieces I teach about in my award-winning product, The Divorce Resource Kit. From soup to nuts, from how to know when you’re ready to date again, how to introduce new partners to your children, and how to build the foundation for loving and lasting relationships, I highly recommend you check that resource out and save yourself heartache and time.

One thing I always recommend before you start dating and even while dating someone else is to always date yourself first. Treat yourself with the love, respect and appreciation that you would like to have in a romantic relationship. Little love gestures like giving yourself flowers or lighting candles for dinner add up to a lot in terms of setting the stage for new love.

The second tip I’d like to give you is to make sure you extract all the wisdom from your divorce by identifying what didn’t work in your relationship. Make a list of the characteristics and dynamics that didn’t serve you well, e.g. “My ex was close-minded.” Ask yourself what you do want instead in a new partner and write that down, “My partner is open-minded.” You’ll end up with a much clearer idea of what you do want in relationship.

Once you start out dating, do the emotional homework you need to do to you’re your ex out of future relationships. Remember two is company but three is a crowd. If you find yourself repeatedly rehashing stories about your ex and blaming him or her for all of your woes, it’s time to work through that with the help of a trusted friend or divorce coach. Turning new suitors into therapists can be a big turn-off.

© 2010 Carolyn B. Ellis

Ask your question, in confidence, by clicking here or you may email us at askthrive@thriveafterdivorce.com. We’ll answer your question in upcoming issues

One thought on “Divorce: Tips for Dating Again

  1. I agree… For some it’s a lot harder to date after you have gotten divorced because they allow their past to predict the future. I think one of the first steps to successful dating after divorce is to tell yourself the past is behind you and it’s time to move on.