Relationship Repeats: Picking the Wrong Person, Yet Again

Q. “I seem to pick the wrong guys to have relationships with, so I am wondering if there is any hope I will meet the right person and actually know it?”

A. This is a great question and believe me there are many folks out there asking the same thing! It’s wonderful that you noticed that there’s a pattern going on with you choosing to be with the “wrong guys.” After all, in every failed relationship, the common denominator is always us! But rest assured, there is absolutely hope for you and the fact you put this question out there like that means you’re already on your way!

Here’s a few things I’m going to recommend you do. It’s critical to do your own emotional homework. People set themselves up for failure when they leave a relationship and jump right into the next one, without taking a deeper look at the anger, sadness, betrayal or any other strong emotions they had from the prior one first. Take time to honestly reflect and look at your past relationships. Where did you give away your power? Where did you start to make your partner responsible for your happiness, instead of keeping that as your job? It’s important to realize that our ex-partners aren’t always the “villain” in our relationship drama. We enter into relationships with people who are great teachers to us.

If you’ve had a series of “wrong guys” you must by now have a very clear picture of what does NOT work for you. Write all those qualities and characteristics out on a piece of paper on the left hand side. Then for each one, ask yourself “What do I want?” Right down your first response on the right. And presto! You’ve just written yourself a clear statement of what you desire in relationship and created enormous clarity. It’s then up to you to make the commitment to not settle for a relationship with anyone who does not fit the bill you just wrote out for yourself.

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Ask your question, in confidence, by clicking here or you may email us at askthrive@thriveafterdivorce.com. We’ll answer your question in upcoming issues!

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